Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
