If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
