The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
