we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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