her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
