Buhtt sex?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
