So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
