Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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