oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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