Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize