whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
