yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i need some magic done to my vagina
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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