I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
