I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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