There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
