I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
