I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
