I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
