? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let's get the cat blown out
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
