you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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