Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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