like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
