I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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