so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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