awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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