...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
