I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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