woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
