You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
