I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
