My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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