I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
