I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
