I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
