What did we do last night that was yellow?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
