I hate all girls vehemently.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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