im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
