I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
