Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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