nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
