we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
