i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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