So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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