ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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