Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
