My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
