Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize