I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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