He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
only if we run a train.
done.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
