And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
