I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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