It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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