dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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