She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize