I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
