I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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