saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
