I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
