some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
