you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
