you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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