ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
