When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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