Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
