How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
handjob tips. give me some.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize